I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
