she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
