your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
