I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
