She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
