Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
