im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize