one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize