For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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