No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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