I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have already put on my inside pants.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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