i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
