So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
