I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
