i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
