I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
