I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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