I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You made out with two different species that night
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
