wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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