there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
