just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
