Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
