escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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