Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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