what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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