dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
