If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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