Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
