New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
