He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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