so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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