No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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