I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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