3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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