i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
