is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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