He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
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It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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