new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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