Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
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getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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