after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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