i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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