DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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