Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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