Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
