sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Im part way to drunk.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
