She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
