who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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