well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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