I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
