I am puke
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
