I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How does it feel to date your dad?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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