I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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