Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
