I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
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So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
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I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
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