where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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