Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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